doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
