Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
