The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
