You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
