Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
