That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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