so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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