The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
