He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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