It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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