i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize