just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
