i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
