the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
