The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
