so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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