So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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