mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
