I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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