My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
try to milk me bitch
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