it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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