It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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