The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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