That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
