Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
