I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
