I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i now understand why vodka
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
