dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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