If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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