I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
