Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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