hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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