This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm always down for nudity.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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