My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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