We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
