I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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