that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
