this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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