dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
