We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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