i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
