You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
