According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
