lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
