Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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