Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think your dad took our porno
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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