So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize