I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
