I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
