If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
