we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
third nipple confirmed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
