Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
