At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
