Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
