He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
