weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
