I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
don't judge my taste in strippers
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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