I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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