I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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