The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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