Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
