I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
