Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
