I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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