Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
